I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize