Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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