just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
