We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize