i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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