in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
