Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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