I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
