my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
So apparently I’m into choking now
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