is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
