I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
