hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize