4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
They have beer where we have blood.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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