Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
