so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
