one word: firstdatebathroomanal
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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