I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
