I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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