You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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