I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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