I could make wine with my vomit
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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