he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
