hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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