Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
