So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just gargled with NyQuil
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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