He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
