WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
