you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
