Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
