franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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