I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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