her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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