Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
i think i just lost a toe
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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