I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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