sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
