you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
