How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
