I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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