alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
