I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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