I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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