i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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