I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
