There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
