if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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