Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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