I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
