Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
God I need to hump something, right now.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
