i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
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