Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I smell like Dick and happiness
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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