ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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