Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
