I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
