I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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