I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
