The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
