Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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