You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
