I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
