we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He has the fingertips of a God
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize