Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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