he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
