I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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