he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
