I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
