I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
