Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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