I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
