Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Say something about gay babies.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
