this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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