final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
