I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize