you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
