did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
