I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
