her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
did you just send me my own nude
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize