around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
