Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
