How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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