just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
