Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
