I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he shaved USA in his pubs
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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