Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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