i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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