Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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