did you get engaged???
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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