Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
