i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
