please come you make the beer taste better
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
