Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
