Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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