We're facebook friends in real life
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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