"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
only if we run a train.
done.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
