Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
