He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
