you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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