u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
