Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
