I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
