Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
