I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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