hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize