Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
