she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
