just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
