the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
