it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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